College is so weird to me. I mean, I enjoy it, but it seems to me that right now there are only two options. One: you can drink. Greek life is so prevalent at Syracuse. I mean, my floormates wanted me to go to frat row tonight and invited me along, but I just can't yet. There are so many things that I just don't know yet about these people. I just can't find it in me to trust them outright. So, number Two: you can not drink (at this point, not drinking = sitting in your dorm room thinking too much and freaking yourself out). I'm sure that it would be good for me to do the whole partying thing, but I'm only interested in having a good time, minus the alcohol. I mean, I'll drink once in awhile, not to the point of drunkeness, but til a slight buzz, but I've never gone over three drinks. I don't want to be shitfaced. I don't know how anyone could actually want that, especially right when school starts. I don't know anyone well enough. They wouldn't take care of me if I did happen to need that. I just don't think I can do that yet.
I feel as though I'm past this whole "let's get drunk" phase. I would be perfectly happy to just meet a few nice people, get a boyfriend, and just hang out. I don't understand why people need the alcohol in college to have a good time. Are we really that self conscious? Are our lives that awful? I think not, but I don't understand what a guy (or girl) could see in a shitfaced member of the opposite sex. It certainly doesn't appeal to me. I'm just stressing out so much right now, probably for no reason, but still. I just can't sleep and I'm sure that my friends are having a wonderful time at the frat party (if they even got in), but I just can't do it. If I was with Laura, or my brothers, sure, but I'm not. I'm with people that I just met yesterday and I just can't allow myself to trust any of them. The only person I feel safe with is my RA, Sarah. She's a little crazy, and not really the type of person I usually hang around with, but all of the RA's make me feel pretty amazing. I just know if I need something, they'll help. THANK GOD.