College is so weird to me. I mean, I enjoy it, but it seems to me that right now there are only two options. One: you can drink. Greek life is so prevalent at Syracuse. I mean, my floormates wanted me to go to frat row tonight and invited me along, but I just can't yet. There are so many things that I just don't know yet about these people. I just can't find it in me to trust them outright. So, number Two: you can not drink (at this point, not drinking = sitting in your dorm room thinking too much and freaking yourself out). I'm sure that it would be good for me to do the whole partying thing, but I'm only interested in having a good time, minus the alcohol. I mean, I'll drink once in awhile, not to the point of drunkeness, but til a slight buzz, but I've never gone over three drinks. I don't want to be shitfaced. I don't know how anyone could actually want that, especially right when school starts. I don't know anyone well enough. They wouldn't take care of me if I did happen to need that. I just don't think I can do that yet.
I feel as though I'm past this whole "let's get drunk" phase. I would be perfectly happy to just meet a few nice people, get a boyfriend, and just hang out. I don't understand why people need the alcohol in college to have a good time. Are we really that self conscious? Are our lives that awful? I think not, but I don't understand what a guy (or girl) could see in a shitfaced member of the opposite sex. It certainly doesn't appeal to me. I'm just stressing out so much right now, probably for no reason, but still. I just can't sleep and I'm sure that my friends are having a wonderful time at the frat party (if they even got in), but I just can't do it. If I was with Laura, or my brothers, sure, but I'm not. I'm with people that I just met yesterday and I just can't allow myself to trust any of them. The only person I feel safe with is my RA, Sarah. She's a little crazy, and not really the type of person I usually hang around with, but all of the RA's make me feel pretty amazing. I just know if I need something, they'll help. THANK GOD.

I care about people way too much, and sometimes, I hate that about myself. My brother and his girlfriend of 9 years are in the middle of breaking up, but then they act like they're getting back together. I honestly don't know what to think. They were talking for a good 2 hours tonight and then, my brother just drove off because of something she told him. He says that he's got a girlfriend someplace with 3 kids, but then says that he doesn't. I honestly just don't know what game he's playing at with her. So, he just left and I went to make sure Kristy was alright, she wasn't, obviously, but I think I helped a bit just by being there. They're both so drunk, I doubt they'll remember much of anything tomorrow. So, Dale was driving home and Kristy was texting him to come back. I called to see if he was home yet, but he wasn't so I waited and called the house and thankfully he got there safe and I asked if it was alright for me to drop Kristy off so they can talk. He said it was alright, so, I did. I'm just worried about them being there alone, and drunk, and emotionally unstable. I really just want them to work it out, but no one has any clue what's going on with Dale. He's so messed up and Kristy loves him so much. And Camille, my sweet, wonderful, loving niece. She'll be four in just a few weeks, and I know that he loves her, but he's being awful about showing it. I just don't understand how he can see that beautiful little girl and not want to spend all the time with her that he can. For her, for Kristy, and for Dale, I just hope that they can fix this.
Zachary had 8 beers in three hours, so, I had to take care of that too. He hadn't eaten or drank any water either. He said he just wanted to go home and sleep, but I made him eat and drink a bottle of water first. He would've been a mess if I hadn't. AND my sister's nephew (well, sort of) on he boyfriend's side, Chad, he had about 13 beers today (in about 5 hours), so, he wasn't in much better shape than Zach. He passed out in a tent out back at my sister's house. I'm home now, and glad to be here, but I'm worried about everyone else. For the sakes of everyone involved, I hope that they can all just get their stuff together. I would love not to worry about everyone almost constantly.